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I don’t know about you, but I found last night’s debate frustrating and also kind of boring, which is an odd combination. Romney looked stiff and Obama tired, and they just didn’t engage with each other in an entertaining way (which is a shame because we all know the most important duty of politicians is to entertain the masses). So I’ve come up with my own list of people I’d like to see debate each other. Some of them are fictional characters, so it will never happen. But I wish it would because it would certainly be better to watch than the pairing we saw yesterday.

  • Todd Akin v. Florynce Kennedy. I’m pretty sure that her famous abortion quote would make his head implode before he got to say much. But if he did manage to keep it intact long enough to repeat one of the many stupid things that have recently flown out of his mouth, I’d love watching her eviscerate him. And maybe pee on him a little bit.
  • The Rock v. Neil deGrasse Tyson. Honestly, I only want to see this if it can be the Neil deGrasse Tyson from years ago, when he looked a lot like The Rock, because it would be funny to watch two people who look alike debating each other. Also, I’d love to hear The Rock’s theories on the origins of the universe (“The Rock says…”).
  • Carrie Bradshaw v. Liz Lemon. We all know which one loves shoes and which one has a weird foot thing. But who’s more neurotic? Who’s the unluckiest in love? Who has more hang-ups about sex? Who’s the better writer? These are just a few of the topics these two New York-based, fun, single gals could cover.
  • The Dude v. Sherlock Holmes (the Benedict Cumberbatch version). They could talk about detecting things and drink Caucasians. They could discuss the ways in which the nihilists were a less successful version of Moriarty. They could go bowling afterwards. I’m pretty sure it would be epic, but that’s just, like, my opinion, man.
  • Elaine Benes v. Lucille Bluth. I don’t know who would win this one, or indeed what they’d debate. But I know they would both get angry really fast and fight dirty, and it would be hilarious. And probably alcohol-soaked.

Who would you like to see do some verbal jousting?

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