, , , , , , ,

Hello! Erin KLG is still enjoying her long Thanksgiving weekend, so seeing as how I’m around with nothing much to do, I’m taking over her slot this week. Here is a little tale about two new pen pal friends, worlds apart, and a bunch of huge lying jerks.

One day at work I got one of those “Please Help Me, Dear Friend” Nigerian scam emails. I’ve been getting these for years, especially while working for international non-profits. I always just deleted them. But this time I wondered, what would happen if I wrote back? How far could I actually take it? How ridiculous could I be before they actually asked me to leave them alone? So I wrote back.


Dear Beloved ,

Greetings to you in the name of the lord my dear,i am sorry to come to you in this way and I hope that this e-mail has reached you in the right frame of Mind. I came across your profile when i was searching your country human database and my spirit do lead me to chose you, well I really needed some one honest, truthful to share my feelings and my burden with, So let me start by introducing myself to you.

My name is Mrs Rebecca Paulson, A widow, I am a great industrialist residing in the United Kingdom but presently Hospitalize in England as well. I have been diagnosed with Esophageal cancer. It has defied all forms of medical treatment, and right now I have only about a few months to live, according to medical experts.

I have not particularly lived my life so well according to God’s will Though I am very rich and i do miss the only one who really cares about me, I was never been generous, I was always hostile to people and my business was the only thing I cared for.  But now I regret all this as I now know that there is more to life than just wanting to have or make all the money in the world. Now that God has called me, I have willed and given most of my property and assets to my immediate and extended family members as well as a few close friends instead for them to help the needy people around the world but they are all after my life when they heard that i have limited time to live.  I have decided to give alms to charity organizations, as I want this to be one of the last good deeds I do on earth. Now that my health has deteriorated so badly, I cannot do this myself anymore. I once asked members of my family to close one of my accounts and distribute the money which I have there to the poor souls out there. give new lives, hopes and days but they refused and kept the money to themselves.

Psalms 119:116 Uphold me according unto thy word, that I may live, and let me not ashamed of my hope.

Psalms 138: 7 Though I walk in the midst of trouble, thou will revive me……

Psalms 145:18 Psalms 57: 7 My heart is fixed. O God my heart is fixed, I will sing & give praise…. Psalms 51: 17 The sacrifices of God are broken spirit, a broken & contrite heart, O God thou will not despise…..

psalms 41: 1 Blessed is he that considereth the poor, the Lord will deliver him in time of trouble….

Two of my favorite verses: Philippians 2:27: For indeed he was sick nigh unto death, but God had mercy on him & that on him only, but on me also, lest I should have sorrow upon sorrow. (I always say this in my mind)

Hence, I do not trust them anymore. I want you to help me claim a huge cash deposit of Five Million dollars (5,000,000) deposited in a Security Vault Company and dispatch it to charity organizations,needy people and the less privileged because it now I have come to find out that wealth acquisition without Christ is vanity” and i hope you will agree with this also.  Get back to me so that i can tell you more of what you need to know.

Please note that, this fund is lying in a Security company. so i need you to use the funds to help the poor, less privileged people around the world. I know this is hard, and it take a very strong heart to get this done and i do pray that you should not get carried away with this money and the money been used for the said purpose and I will be praying hard that Satan will not stop this effort.

God bless your heart,


Mrs. Rebecca Paulson


Dear Mrs. Paulson,

This is such a heartwarming story! Thank you for thinking of me as someone who might help you.  I am not religious but I like helping people. I don’t understand why you can’t just claim the security deposit yourself? Are you too old and sick to walk there? Or call them on the phone? This is terrible. Please let me know how I can help you.



Hello Dear,

Greetings to you my dear friend, thank you so much for writing me because this sounds like some good news you have in here for me,I say this because i do believe that  i finally found someone who is not ready to jump at once at the money and the lord is with us and he never needs our money for us to get to his kingdom. For me, it has not been easy.

I’m about to have another surgery, now i am on a life support machine most of the time because my breathing get so bad most of the time and i feel i could lose it. I would have loved to call you and speak with you to be confirmed about the genuine of this email but i am on a life supporting machine and i will not be able to use a phone because phones intercept with the frequency,if not,i would have love spoken with you via the phone for better communication and understanding because the machine helps me with my breathing,but i will take my time and send you an email and as well read your mail at time to time.

Anyway, i am glad you wrote me,and i am also glad for all you said in the mail. I just need you to know that i need a friend and a family because i am all alone in this world,you see,i would like you to be the person,who the money would be released to so you will be able to contact the organization you think needs help for the up keep of widows, widowers, orphans, destitute, the down-trodden, physically challenged children, barren-women and person who prove to be genuinely handicapped financially, then you will be able to keep me updated and assure me the money is been used the right way,but that is if the lord still keeps me till then.

You see, if you were to be over excited over money, then you would have just gone straight asking me to tell you how to have the money without thinking of your own security.

I mailed you because i needed a friend, a family and a believer with strong faith who could carry out my dreams for me. I do fight this deceases, but i cannot sit and wait for time to take me away because all i have is a family who wait for me to die and get all i have. I miss life and i miss the only one who cares for me (my husband) but i will really be glad if i can have a true friend in you. I will like you to send me picture so that i can see the face of my God sent angel in accomplish my mission and i will as well sent you some of my pictures in my next email to you too.

I will also check my diary for some of the information in which you will use to contact the Security organization in charge of the funds which was the bank,once they sees this message,they will know you are from me. I need you to use this money to touch lives,give people chances and change the little part of this world you can.

I would also love you to visit me here in my hospital someday soon,as soon as you have the money released to you.please do pray for me and let your church pray very much for me. Waiting to read back from you as soon as possible.

God bless you.

Thanks as i await your swift response.

Warm Regards,

Mrs Rebecca Paulson


Dear Mrs. Paulson,

I completely understand you not being able to call, since A) I did not give you my phone number and B) you need to reserve all of your strength in this time of great sickness. It is amazing that you are able to type me such long emails while on life support! If I believed in God, I would thank Him for all of His Great Blessings to give you such endurance. But alas, I do not.

You are right, I am not the kind of person that is overly excited about money. I am more of a caring person who likes to help those in need. I would never dream of taking advantage of someone to steal their money! This is the most terrible type of person, don’t you agree?

I am glad you and I are on the same page. I kindly offer my friendship to you and hope that I can help you in any way that I can, even if all I can do is bring you some small comfort through my emails. I hope your latest surgery goes well.

Your friend,


Hello Dearest Jill,

How are you and hope all is well?  thanks for the reply to my mail, i would have love to call you but now i am on a life support machine most of the time because my breathing get so bad and i am going through medication now,well this are the information’s you need to forward to the security company because when the fund was deposited they gave me this secret information’s should in case I want to withdraw it for security purpose for them to identify my consignment which is the fund.

I would have love to give you my address now but due to some circumstances i was been placed in an undisclosed hospital here in United Kingdom until my mission is been accomplished and hopefully will give you my direct location because my late husband was just after my life when he heard that i don’t have much time on this heart and hopefully knows that one day i will feel and see the God sent angel to me in accomplished my mission.

The information’s are below I am giving and releasing this vital and secret information’s of mine to you with trust and confidence cos I have gotten you as my next of kin to do this faithful work for God and subsequently to Human.

Please let it be Private and Confidential.

Depositors Name : Rebecca Paulson
Batch no : 6684009xxxx
Year Deposited: 2004
Secret Question: Who is Depositor
Answer: Rebecca Paulson
Security Code: 9060004xxxx

The above are the information’s you need to forward to the security company and send them your full name address and contact phone numbers so that when they approve you to receive the fund they will get in touch with you .

So contact them with their information’s below.

Name of Security Company: FIDELITY BANK  PLC
Email : xxxxx_bank_fb_01@yahoo.com
Name of Director: Dr. REGINALD IHEJIAHI
Direct Phone Contact: +234-xxx-029-xxxx


My dearest one in Christ, please contact them with the above information’s and please make sure you send your phone number or mobile number to them for easy communications, keep me updated as soon as they transfer the fund to you. And don’t get carried away by this amount,its just money,its not half as good as good name.

Lastly, i will attached my picture and also the certificate of deposit for proof of funds,so make sure the certificate is been attached when contacting the security company for you to be recognized as my newly elected next of kin in claiming my fund for the said purpose. More so,my fund is a legit fund which hold nothing against the law and am putting you in position of claiming my fund due to the reason that i have limited time to live on this earth and i will prefer my money been used for the will of God.

Note: Make sure you call the manager’s phone number after sending the mail for the claim of my fund for urgent response because i really want this money to be release to you for the said mission and also i want you to please make this very confidential until the money as been transferred to you.

Always put me in your daily prayers and do not forget my wish.

God bless you.
Mrs Rebecca Paulson.

(photos courtesy of Mrs. Rebecca Paulson)


Dear Mrs. Paulson,

Thank you for your email and the pictures you sent. I have to say, you look absolutely terrible in the photo of you right after your surgery. But it’s impressive that you were still able to write me, what with all of the tubes getting in the way. And I am surprised at how you and your husband look in your younger years! You look just like a lovely couple off of Google image search or the like! Was your husband Tony Blair? He’s hot! And your children are so young! That is so nice that they brought you all of those boxes of things as gifts. Who is taking care of them now that you are on life support and so very gravely ill? Perhaps you should use your money to set up trust funds to secure for their future care and educations, as that can be so very expensive these days.

Are you originally from the UK? Your style of writing is unique to the English language. I just love linguistics.

You mentioned that your late husband has been after your life once he learned that you were near death. That is terrible! Is he a ghost? Or perhaps a vampire? Or a zombie? I have heard of these terrible creatures existing. They even made movies about them. Are you familiar with the Twilight series? I bet your children are, as they are very popular with the youth these days. It’s about a human teenager who falls in love with a vampire teenager, who is really not a teenager but more like maybe 600 years old or so. But forever trapped in the body of a teenager. So he keeps his physical attractiveness. Anyway, they fall in love, but they can’t be together completely because the vampire doesn’t want to make his human girlfriend into a vampire herself, even though she doesn’t care because she loves him. And because she has romanticized his kind. And then there’s a sexy werewolf, but that gets confusing. Anyway, long story short, the vampire ends up marrying the teenager and makes her a vampire too and they have a baby, who ends up growing up really fast and marrying the ex-boyfriend werewolf. This story doesn’t seem very Christ-like. I always wondered if these things really existed, or if they were just made up by some crazy people. Anyway, please let me know if your husband might be a vampire.




Hello Jill,

Thank you my dear for writing and i do feel all what you are saying because it was not that easy doing all this thing for someone you don’t really know but God knows better.

About the question you asked in your mail…. There was nothing like vampire or sort but who I’m really talking about is my late husband brother (Richard) who was just after my life when he heard that i don’t have much time on this heart and hopefully knows that one day i will feel and see the God sent angel to me in accomplished my mission.

My dearest one in Christ, please contact them with the above information’s and please make sure you send your phone number or mobile number to them for easy communications, keep me updated as soon as they transfer the fund to you. And don’t get carried away by this amount, its just money, its not half as good as good name.

I’m only depending on you to accomplished this mission for me.

Waiting to read from you.

God Bless You.
Mrs Rebeca Paulson


Hi Rebecca,

I’m sorry I have not written in awhile, I’ve gotten very busy. I had this terrible rash and had no idea where it came from. It was so itchy and was spreading from my nether regions up to my stomach and my hips. I’m not sure if it was something that I ate or someone I had sex with. Hard to tell the difference sometimes. But it’s better now.

How are you feeling? I hope you’re not dead yet!

I will contact the bank right away.



Hello Jill,

Greetings to you in the name of the lord my dear…I’m glad i still have beside me,how are you and everyone around you,hope things is working out for you as planned..Well i just mail to know if you are alright an as well the rashes hope they have all gone and i will as well want to know if you have gotten to the bank and what was their response.

I will be waiting to read the good news from you and God bless you.

Mrs Rebecca Paulson


And then I wrote the bank.

To be continued….