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Miss me?

In between family visits and work, I got sick. I was stuck on the couch for a few days with not much else to do other than channel surf while my dog sat on my head to keep me company. (She’s weird.)

I learned that daytime TV sucks. And that no matter how sick I was, I still could not stomach Nicholas Sparks movies. (Have you taken this quiz? If not, I recommend it – I did surprisingly well considering I have not seen any of these movies.)

That being said, I realized there are a lot of TV shows that focus on pageants. The folks at TLC really cornered the market for that one. I got to thinking (in my Sudafed-induced haze) – what kind of parent lets their kid participate? Now, before you accuse me of being all judgey – I will admit to being a former competitive (roller) figure skater – sequins and all. However, I was not on TV, and I was older than toddler age. And I am also not interested in getting into the role of women in society and pageants. Really.

What I am more interested in is, well, the whole pageantry of the thing. The costumes, the lighting, the talent acts. ESPECIALLY the talent acts. How does one find a talent? Like, as a toddler I could definitely win any competition that included a section on lisping and staining one’s clothes. But like, busting out full-on with a baton-twirling singing/dancing extravaganza? NOT GONNA HAPPEN.

However, I started to look up pageants available in my area. There is one called the Miss Supreme Galaxy International – that crown must be AMAZING. I mean, you are the Supreme Galaxy International QUEEN. Unfortunately my only talents these days include biting sarcasm and mixing a strong martini. However, I do manage to keep stains off my shirts (most of the time).

What say you? Do you have a dark pageantry past? Perhaps you have a pair of tap shoes hidden in the recesses of your closet, and every so often you dust them off and march around to Count Basie and his Orchestra? If so, be warned, I can shake a martini to the tune of a foxtrot and do it all with a winning smile.