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Several nights ago, I was lucky enough to make a discovery that is going to cost me thousands of dollars. In honor of that stupid rotting beam on my front porch, I am now going to do what everyone loves best on the internet and complain about something in list form. So, in no particular order, here are my five least favorite things about owning a home.

  1. Surprising major repairs, obviously. These must always be done immediately (meaning before you’ve had time to adequately save up the money to pay for them), or else something will come crashing down on your head or explode or silently, fatally poison your entire family. These nonnegotiables happen without fail when you’ve just said to yourself, “Self, maybe in the fall I can a) buy a new couch, b) take an actual vacation, c) pay off more of that loan.” Do you hear that sound? It is the universe laughing at your naive optimism.
  2. Yard work, aka landscaping. This either costs a lot of money or takes a lot of time and effort and costs slightly less money, so take your pick. It’s a requirement that’s only avoidable if you live in an apartment building downtown somewhere, but then you have to deal with the fact that you have no green space of your own and always have to share park space with that one random drunk guy who’s sleeping it off in a chair by the fountains. No, that never happened to me, why do you ask?
  3. That one weird thing about your house that is going to make it harder to sell. For us, that’s the garage. It is off its foundation, painted a different color than the house, has one door that won’t shut, and is covered in a patchy, weird, green growth. Lovely. And impossible to fix because no contractor wants to touch it, as I’ve lamented before.
  4. Expensive home accessories that you have to have. Grill, snowblower (if you live in New England and have a driveway and don’t want to wreck your back, this is a must), lawnmower, weed whacker. I’m sure there are other things you could add to this list, but I’m not going to mention them because then I might have to buy them.
  5. Doors. Was I living in a bubble? I had no idea how very expensive doors are before we had to buy one for our basement. And have you ever had to buy a custom-sized door? Say goodbye to at least a thousand bucks for one of those, and there isn’t a whole lot you can do about it unless you happen to own a door factory or want to take on the project of making one yourself. Of course, that isn’t even an option if you need a fire-rated metal door, so my recommendation is to measure all the doors in any home before you buy so that you can reject the ones whose doors are weirdos.

Please feel free to make me feel less alone by sharing your own home complaints and woes!