I am constantly reading anything new that pertains to the LGBTQ community. I mean this is MY community and I want to know when we take a step forward, when someone stands up for our rights and even when someone tries to break them down.
One of my favorites to check out is Huffington Post and go to the gay voices section. It has the news and the fluff. It makes me laugh and makes me cry. But there has been this one headline over the past few days that I have been avoiding:
Each time I see it I feel myself hold my breath and my insides sink. I hold back that desire to cry and move on from it because I know I just can’t read this one.
As I read other people’s stories I constantly think about my own struggles, most of which have nothing to do with being gay. My struggles are just like everyone else’s, the day-to-day heartbreak and rollercoaster that most people go through. When I think about my own coming out I find that most of my struggle came from within. I’m not saying a few people didn’t hurt me, but for the most part it was all about my own acceptance, as my family has always been a loving and supportive group of people. I am lucky enough to be a part of a family that stand up and fight for me. I have pretty much always lived in liberal places and did not feel the suffocation that many feel by their communities. I believe that even being a part of the Jewish community has helped because my religion is, I believe, more open than some others. Through my Judaism I have always been taught to question, to push back and to open the door to anyone who needs a table to sit at. I have been supported. I have been loved. I have always been encouraged to be myself, even by my grandparents.
My fear is now a new one and part of it is something that many people go through and that is the fear of being a good parent. The normal fears that are attached to this I know many relate to, but the deep one, the less common one is that of being a gay parent. Will my child have more struggle because of who I am and how do I protect them from what may come their way by no fault of their own?
We are less than two weeks from the due date of our first child and the reality of this weighs on me. I know that we are surrounded by love and that we will surround our child with love. But outside of that circle is a world where many people disagree with our family. The times are changing, I know, but change takes time and we have to live in the now.